Justin Beiber is Killing Hockey

What ever happened to music coming out of a locker room before a game that would actually get people excited to play? The beat of a great bass drum, the crash of a symbol, the surge of an epic guitar solo that will melt your face off. No, instead we here a whiny little weasel crying about some prepubescent love. Athletes have become soft in their music choices. No longer do we hear Metallica or AC/DC it's now Nickelback or T-Swift. How the fuck can a song about it being the end of the world because your boyfriend would rather break up than wife up at age 15 get a room full of 21 adult males ready to play the most physical game around? It just doesn't happen.
Last night I walked in to the locker room right before game time and was shocked to hear Pandora pumping out some top 40 crap that would make me want to shove hot pokers in my ears. I guess maybe I'm old fashioned but there is no way listening to a 16 year old boy sing like a 12 year old girl would ever get me in the right mindset to do anything but commit suicide.
Now that the rage is out of me I am going to post a list of my top 10 pre-game songs and my list of bottom 5. Chances are nobody will agree with me but fuck you this is my blog.

Ritz's Top Ten Pre-Game Songs
10. Kashmir - Led Zeppelin:My college roommate turned me on to this as a great song to listen to before we would play rec soccer. Along with a few shots of tequila we were certainly ready for the game...or the bar after the win.
9. Panama -Van Halen: There is just something about the opening that makes me feel I could go run a marathon. Something that will never happen but would be on my ipod if I were ever to try it.
8. Cliffs of Dover - Eric Johnson: Nothing screams sports like an epic guitar solo or song that is one giant solo.
7. Shoot To Thrill - AC/DC: It has the words SHOOT and THRILL right in the title. What more do you need to get ready for hockey? The game is about shooting a puck and the thrill of when it actually goes where you want it to.
6. Shoot it Out - 10 Years: I picked up this one while in Syracuse. Every so often we would have the music on in the office or while handing out laundry and nothing says folding towels like this song.
5. We Are One Tonight - Switchfoot: Another one who's title says all you need to know about the song as it pertains to a team sport.
4. Baba O'Riley - The Who: Simply put this is my all time favorite song. As with anything from The Who the instrumentals are just awesome. The Blue Man Group cover is pretty good too and often makes it's way to the equipment room speakers on game day.
3. In the Air Tonight - Nonpoint version, although you have to respect Phil. He is wicked hardcore, he wears sneakers with a suit. Even this version spends the whole song building up for the drum solo that makes me want to be Mike Tyson and one punch a bearded freak who tried to steal my tiger.
2. Immigrant Song - Led Zeppelin: There is a reason they are one of the best bands ever, so why not get two songs on my list?
1. Enter Sandman - Metallica: If you are an athlete and don't like this song you really aren't an athlete. You probably still have Velcro on your sneakers at age 25.

Ritz's Bottom 5 Songs (I've actually heard all of these in locker rooms before games)
5. Anything Taylor Swift - She's not ugly I will agree with every male on the planet about this but come on. We get it, you date guys, it doesn't work out, you write a song and make millions. Stay off my ipod on game day. But call me next week when you are single again, I could make a good song subject.
4. Anything from any Boy Band - If you are a male athlete and this is playing in your locker room please remove your gear and move down the hall. You are now 3rd line center on the women's club team.
3. Party in the U.S.A. - Miley Cyrus: I worked for a team that would listen to this song right before they took the ice for every game. We did go on a 13-0-2 run while doing it.*
2. Any country song that isn't about drinking - I know there are very few of these songs out there but for the ones that exist stay out of my locker room. I don't care that your wife left you and took the dog, or that your tractor is sexy. Unless you use a tractor as a zamboni, then you win good sir.
1. All things Justin Beiber - I wish someone would just tell him to shut his trap and go live the life of a normal teenage girl.
*I should make the rule that during a winning streak all rules go out the window, as soon as the streak is over though shit music needs to stop.

I hope you all enjoyed my rant, now go watch some hockey and get off the internet.

PS- Nickelback, you get a reprieve from my shit list becasue this is a hockey blog and you are Canadian. You are on a short leash though so either stop sucking or become American so I can hate you with 100% of my being.